Once upon a time, a French woman by the name of Germaine de Staël dropped a knowledge bomb that would change the collective consciousness forever.
She sat behind her dinner table, not being able to finish her waffles. To distract herself from this caloric torture, the lady had a whiff of a pretentious flower ripped out from her backyard. The woman sighed and looked at the distance from her fancy chair, then muttered a few words, quite likely in her native language, to an underpaid gardener who cut his finger while fixing the fence.
‘In life one must choose between boredom and suffering…’
Being the daughter of a banker and French finance minister, I would take a wild guess and figure she was suffering from boredom at that exact moment. Luckily, gardeners didn’t have the weed wackers at their disposal just yet, so the message was heard loud and clear.
The gardener stopped at his tracks, scratched his hippocampus and answered back ‘wow, that shit was real deep, Mrs. Anne-Louise-Germaine Necker, you should write that down, no crap’.
Yeah, it probably didn’t happen exactly like that, but you get the point. Cut me some slack, we’re in the middle of the ‘crab market’, where we move from side to side for what feels like a century now.
Everything is capital letters BORING at this time, so let’s have a bit of fun.
Ah Yes, The Famous Crab Market Is Upon Us!
By now, everyone around the block has the understanding of ‘bear’ and ‘bull’ markets.
This is something even memecoin connoisseurs know and parrot around to sound like experts. Well, kiddos, I don’t hear you talking about a ‘crab’ market as often. Clearly you’re not as educated as you try to appear on social media! So, let me steal a definition from someone on the interweb.
Crab market (plural crab markets) – a market trend where a stock keeps fluctuating around the same price over a long period of time, neither entering a bull market nor a bear market.
Don’t laugh, this is an approved term used by industry leaders in official documentation.
CoinMarketCap evolved into CoinMarketCrab on April 1st this year. Looking at the graphs, they could have stuck with the gimmick, or at least bust it out for Halloween. Because we’re charting the same waters!
Just think about it – Bitcoin has never spent 586 days in our current $16k to $32k price range. Since the beginning of this year we experienced some slight volatility due to our move up from $15k to $25k, but that’s rookie numbers, we hardly acknowledge those.
Crypto bros and other coffee fortune tellers witnessed similar scenarios during previous bear markets, like the price range of the post-bottom bull run in 2018 that lasted 556 days. So yeah, according to this exceptional crab-alysis, the boats are going to be rocked any time now!
This is the calm before the storm, my tiny crablets and crustacean brethrens.
You heard it here first… So do not forget this message when you upgrade from your quaint little cove to a sandy shore with bikini models and female volleyball players.
Why The Crab Market Totally Reeks of Awesomeness
Ah, boring, the unsung hero of life!
It’s like that plain slice of white bread in a world full of bagels and artisanal sourdough. But you know what? Boring translates to ‘totally awesome’ if you’re old enough. You have to appreciate the peaceful days while you can. If you struggle to do so, let me help you!
Seven reasons to enjoy the ‘crab market’ for what it is:
- 1. Predictability! Crab market is like your favorite sitcom rerun or a video game level 1 that you’ve cleared a million times… it makes you feel safe and cozy. You know where the enemies will spawn, so there are no jumpscares or sudden plot twists that would make your head hurt.
- 2. Safety! In a crab market people don’t get the itch to jump from the cliff in a wingsuit after buying the top. While crabs might not have cool stories of self-destruction and account annulation, they also never cry about spilled milk. When it comes to investment, boring is hella good!
- 3. Stress Relief! Stress is the spicy enchilada of life, and boring is drinking plain non-sparkling water. You might not want to do it, but you have to chug liters of it daily to live a few days longer. No greed, no fear… this is crypto heaven!
- 4. Healthy Sleep! Crab market is like a lullaby for your brain. It’s the cozy blanket of your daily routine that helps you slip into the sweet embrace of sleep. Excitement is great, but it’s not your friend at 3 AM when you’re tossing and turning in the bed, watching the candles go up and down.
- 5. Low Expectations! When the market is consistently meh, you can’t be disappointed. You have rock-bottom expectations and you will be pleasantly surprised to spot some bulls running up the hill. Boring sets the bar low, so you’re constantly impressed. +1.17% this week, oh golly!
- 6. Productivity! Crab market is the unsung champion of productivity. It’s like a room full of silent, yawning developers who can do their job at a normal tempo, not being hit with words like ‘deadline’ or ‘crunch’. When there’s nothing exciting to distract you, you get stuff done.
- 7. Longevity! Excitement may be a thrill, but it’s also a heart-pounding, adrenaline-pumping, stress-inducing endeavor. Crab market, on the other hand, is the slow and steady way of life. During the bull runs humans usually overdose on hopium and FOMO 24/7, so learn to love the way of the crab, and your heart will thank you later.
And there you have it! ‘Crab market’ is a true unsung hero in a world of constant chaos and craziness.
All The Money Is Made During The Crab Market
While others are busy trundling forth in straight lines, we, the esteemed members of the crab clan, perform intricate side steps with grace and style.
We dance across in a sideways waltz, letting our pincers go crazy in motion as we observe the vibrant red and green corals and seaweed, bullish marine creatures, wise old turtles that give you sound advice like ‘never lose money’, chatty Youtube seashells and those freaking BTC whales.
Whales are on the bulk right now, and they will consume you without batting an eye, little crabby. But apart from that little detail, being a crab ain’t that bad… If someone tells you otherwise and peer pressures you to pick a side, just tell them that you’re agnostic in your market predictions. Nothing is known or can be known of the existence or our Lord and Savior, Satoshi Nakamoto.
I’ll say this – the all-time average cost of buying BTC is at about $20.2k right now and we are already up 31% from it. Patience, as always, is key. So…
Embrace the crab market. Enjoy its lateral movement. Bask in its mundane methodology. Preserve your nervous system. DCA those shells from your bank account. Accumulate wealth.
Be free, my fellow crustaceans, and have a clawsome rest of the week!